You guessed it! It’s Life List Club Friday and I have the pleasure to welcome David N. Walker to my home again.
Hi, David! I’m on my way over to Gary Gauthier’s blog, so you all come on over after you read David’s, okay?
You’re on, David!
My wife sent me the following wisdom in an email she forwarded from one of her friends. In case you’re confused about the differences between men and women, I thought this might help clarify things for you.
Why Men Are Seldom Depressed
Men are just happier people.
What do you expect?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
you can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
CAr mechanics tell you the truth
The world is your urinal.
You don’t have to stop to think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental – $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations last 30 seconds flat.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a 3-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes–one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 5 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
If Laura, Sarah and Kate go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Sarah and Kate. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately call each other Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20 even though it’s for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get the bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of soap and a towel. the average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
A woman has the last word in an argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman marries a man expecting him to change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting she won’t change, but she does.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (Note from David: Women can do a lot of things to improve their appearance. With us, it’s pretty much what you see is what you get.)
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. she knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in his house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A man should forget his mistakes. There’s no point in two people remembering the same thing!
David N. Walker is a Christian father and grandfather, a grounded pilot and a near-scratch golfer who had to give up the game because of shoulder problems. A graduate of Duke University, he spent 42 years as a health insurance agent. Most of that career was spent in Texas, but for a years he traveled many other states. He started writing about 20 years ago, and has six unpublished novels to use as primers on how NOT to write fiction. Since his retirement a few years ago, he has devoted his time to helping Kristen Lamb start Warrior Writers Boot camp and trying to learn to write a successful novel himself.
David’s covered a lot of ground here, but do any of you have anything to add? Maybe from a woman’s point of view?
You know I LOVE hearing from you! Don’t be shy to speak up now!