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The Differences Betweeen Men and Women – A Guest Post by David N. Walker

You guessed it! It’s Life List Club Friday and I have the pleasure to welcome David N. Walker to my home again.

Hi, David! I’m on my way over to Gary Gauthier’s blog, so you all come on over after you read David’s, okay?

You’re on, David!

My wife sent me the following wisdom in an email she forwarded from one of her friends. In case you’re confused about the differences between men and women, I thought this might help clarify things for you.

Why Men Are Seldom Depressed

Men are just happier people.

What do you expect?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

you can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

CAr mechanics tell you the truth

The world is your urinal.

You don’t have to stop to think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental – $100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations last 30 seconds flat.

You can open all your own jars.

If someone forgets to invite, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a 3-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes–one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 5 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

King and Queen of hearts

Image source: Google

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Sarah and Kate go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Sarah and Kate. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately call each other Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20 even though it’s for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get the bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.  A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has 6 items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of soap and a towel. the average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in an argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting him to change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (Note from David: Women can do a lot of things to improve their appearance. With us, it’s pretty much what you see  is what you get.)

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. she knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in his house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A man should forget his mistakes. There’s no point in two people remembering the same thing!

DAvid N. WalkerDavid N. Walker is a Christian father and grandfather, a grounded pilot and a near-scratch golfer who had to give up the game because of shoulder problems. A graduate of Duke University, he spent 42 years as a health insurance agent. Most of that career was spent in Texas, but for a years he traveled many other states. He started writing about 20 years ago, and has six unpublished novels to use as primers on how NOT to write fiction. Since his retirement a few years ago, he has devoted his time to helping Kristen Lamb start Warrior Writers Boot camp and trying to learn to write a successful novel himself.

Visit David at his blog HERE and follow him on Twitter.

David’s covered a lot of ground here, but do any of you have anything to add? Maybe from a woman’s point of view?

You know I LOVE hearing from you! Don’t be shy to speak up now!

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Discussion

  1. Marion Spicher  February 11, 2012

    Got here late but enjoyed your list David. Still smiling.

    (reply)
  2. Angela Wallace  February 11, 2012

    Lol, love it!

    (reply)
  3. Jenny Hansen  February 10, 2012

    I’ve always loved this one – there’s so many truisms in it. Thanks for making me smile, David!

    (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 11, 2012

      You’re quite welcome, Jenny. Your whole Saturday series points out one area in which men have it much easier than women. Although I’m sure your husband was with you emotionally through the whole pregnancy, it wasn’t his body going through it.

      (reply)
  4. Sonia G Medeiros  February 10, 2012

    LOL. I am a little jealous that you guys don’t have strap problems. That kinda sucks.

    (reply)
  5. Diana Douglas  February 10, 2012

    This was hysterical because it’s so true, though I do beg to differ on one point–It takes my husband forever to figure out the tip at a restaurant. I have no idea what he’s doing to make it take so long and he doesn’t seem to be able to explain it to me. How can total x .20 be so hard?

    (reply)
    • Marcia  February 10, 2012

      I know! I try to grab the check before my husband does…not only is he very slow, but he doesn’t tip well. I have 2 kids who spent years working in restaurants and know how important tips are. Thanks Diana

      (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

      Hmm . . . Opposite at my house, Diana. Wife would need a calculator, and it might end up being 10%.

      (reply)
  6. Traci Bell  February 10, 2012

    I tell my husband I need a wife, too!

    (reply)
    • Marcia  February 10, 2012

      We should all be so lucky, Traci!

      (reply)
  7. Traci Bell  February 10, 2012

    Fun post. I always tell my husband I need a wife, too!

    (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

      Thanks, Traci. Your husband might find some advantage in having another woman around the house . . .

      (reply)
  8. Lara Schiffbauer  February 10, 2012

    So many opportunities to laugh in this post! I will be showing it to my husband when he gets home. I have to say, I have never thought of it before, but it really isn’t fair that men can buy a three pack (or five pack – depending on where you shop) of underwear for less than the cost of one bra! Thanks, David, for some light-hearted humor :)

    (reply)
  9. Angela Orlowski-Peart  February 10, 2012

    Fabulous! I’m laughing out loud because all of it is so true :-)

    (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

      Thanks, Angela. If I can’t poke fun at myself and my gender, who can I poke fun at?

      (reply)
  10. Ali Dent  February 10, 2012

    Marcia, thanks for having David here for us. The list is amusing. Many things on the list are so true and there are a lot of practical things that are easier for a man but I wouldn’t trade places. I love having babies and being called grandma or Mimi or whatever my sweet little babies want to call me.
    This was great!

    (reply)
    • Marcia  February 10, 2012

      The only part of being a man that appeals to me is the simplicity of their wardrobe. But I wouldn’t want to have to wear dark colors all the time. :)

      (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

      Ali, I don’t want to trade either. I’d rather stay simple and let you guys stay complex. Makes life more fun. But your profile pic doesn’t look like that of a grandmother.

      (reply)
  11. Marcia  February 10, 2012

    I so love having you here, David! Very funny post!

    (reply)
  12. Nicole Basaraba  February 10, 2012

    So not fair. Men do have it a lot easier. very entertaining post. :)

    (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

      I agree, Nicole, but in a way it is fair. We have it easier, but y’all are more interesting.

      (reply)
  13. Barbara McDowell  February 10, 2012

    Heh, heh. Clever and funny, David! This is partly why I love being friends with guys and have since kindergarten. Yes bonding over blocks with the boys. I’m pretty stealth with shopping though and can whip through Christmas gift needs.

    (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

      If we’re ever at a gathering together, Barbara, you can hang out with the guys, and I’ll hang out with the gals.

      (reply)
  14. Jess Witkins  February 10, 2012

    Harumph! So much unfairness. Reminds me of the video Jenny showed about men’s and women’s brains. You just go ahead and keep your neat and tidy boxes, David. Mine are filled with shoes!!!

    (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

      Don’t blame you. As Tameri said below, you guys are more interesting anyway.

      (reply)
  15. Sherry Isaac  February 10, 2012

    Hilarious, David.
    So excited to be joining Life List in April with my Romance & Beyond Peeps.
    Was discussing men & women & dirty fighting with Gloria Richard this morning (inspired by Jenny Hansen’s post). Women can end (or win) an argument by getting nekked. Men, not so much.

    (reply)
    • David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

      Hmm . . . Good point, Sherry. In fact, I guess you’ve brought up a couple of good points for ending an argument. LOL However, don’t tell the women who read Jillian Dodd’s “Glitter, Bliss & Perfect Chaos” a man can’t end an argument by getting naked. They would disagree – at least if he were one of her featured Adonises with the perfect abs.

      (reply)
      • Sherry Isaac  February 13, 2012

        David,

        Your answer implies you believe Men and Adonis to be interchangeable. They are not.

        (reply)
      • Sherry Isaac  February 13, 2012

        Forgot to add my customary Snort! at the end of my last reply, so here it is.

        Snort!

        (reply)
  16. David N. Walker  February 10, 2012

    Thanks for having me, Marcia. I always enjoy being here.

    (reply)
  17. Jillian Dodd - Glitter, Bliss and Perfect Chaos  February 10, 2012

    This is so funny….and so true. Love it!!

    (reply)
  18. patriciasands  February 10, 2012

    H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S!!!!! Thanks!

    (reply)
  19. Tameri Etherton  February 10, 2012

    So true, so true. It is so much easier to be a man, I think, but I wouldn’t want to be anything other than the complicated, convoluted, caring creature I am. We make life more interesting for all you men!

    (reply)
  20. emma  February 10, 2012

    no published novel David? You’ve got great stuff here! I am passing this on to my husband … who has a lot in common with you. Keep writing and telling us how the world works, you are hysterically funny!

    (reply)

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