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The RedHots: Featuring Your Sassy Stories

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The RedHots  are on fire today!

Jess Witkins and I are revealing our own sassy stories and sharing those from a few of our friends!

I’ll start with my own:

Many years ago, when I was married to an Executive chef/restaurant owner, I sometimes helped hostess in his upscale Italian restaurant. The customers were mainly professionals, like doctors, stockbrokers, business owners, with a few local dignitaries thrown in.

One evening, the restaurant was bustling and patrons were waiting 10-20 minutes for a table, even with a reservation. Keep in mind, these patrons were not used to waiting for anything. They had the power of prestige and wealth and were customarily given preferential treatment.

At the hostess station I faced a line of 6 parties waiting. The first in line happened to be two doctors and their wives who were weekly customers. I knew where they preferred to sit. However, their regular table was occupied. This is how things unfolded:

Me: Good Evening, Dr. Smith. Hello, Dr. Jones, Ladies. I’m afraid your regular table will be occupied for another twenty minutes or so. However, I can offer you our private dining room in about ten minutes. Would that suffice?

Doctor Smith: But we made a reservation. We’re here on time and we want to sit down right now.

His wife’s face turned a lovely shade of scarlet to match her sweater. Dr. Jones chimed in with his volume raised.

Dr. Jones: Where’s your husband? He’ll seat us immediately. We shouldn’t have to wait! We’re here every week. We’re your best customers! Go get him now!

Me: (with a smile) Drs., My husband has a full house tonight and is preparing the dishes himself. I’m afraid he’s unable to come out at the moment. I’m certain you’ll enjoy the private room as soon as it’s ready and I’ll ask my husband to stop by and visit as soon as possible.

The wives tried to shush their rude, arrogant husbands to no avail. The Drs. continued their rant and the volume increased with every word.

Me: Dr. Smith, Dr. Jones, when I visit your offices, it’s typical that I, as your patient, wait half an hour or more to be seen. And I’m one your BEST patients! Would I be seen any more quickly if I put up a fuss? Oh look, here’s your server now. The private room is ready.

The wives whispered apologies to me as they passed.  I suppressed the urge to do a victory dance but I was dancing inside!

 

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I polled a few friends for their sassy stories and one-liners.

Please welcome Barbara McDowell:

On my first day gig as a marketing assistant, I stayed an hour later than usual finishing up a Power Point design for an executive VP. I was a young go-getter who had no problem staying later. Others, presumably with traditional families, had bailed on time.

The VP started asking me probing, personal questions…maybe to see if pulling me to stay could be a steady option, who knows. I had the sense it was a test and that I had to make a stand for myself proving my time was as relevant as someone with a spouse or kids. Our conversation went a bit like this:

Him: “So, Babs (a nickname I hated), you got anyone waiting at home for you?”

Me: “Yep, two white cats.”

Him: “So, no family counting on you making it home on time?”

Me: “Well, the cats will get  aggressive in a bit. And i suppose my mother might come looking for me, at some point, if I’m a no show.”

Him: “You married?”

Me: “Can’t say that I am.”

Him: “You have any kids?”

Me: “Didn’t I just say I wasn’t married?”

Considering the touch of snark that coated my voice, he decided to leave it alone.

 

 

And now, my good friend, Helen Atkinson:

When I was 19, I worked as a typist in a Word Process Unit (remember those?). A sleazy guy would come in every day to submit his typing and, before he left, he would stand behind me and massage my shoulders and neck. He, obviously, didn’t respect the fact that I was married (not that that really matters, but I had a ring on, so even if you’re a total jerk you’d respect the ring).

Me: Please don’t do that. I really don’t like to be touched.

Him: Ohhhhhh sorrrrrry!

Apparently, he was offended.

The next day and many days after that:

Me: Please don’t touch me. (I was too timid back then to say something more firm.)

Him: Well, you look tense, so I’m giving you a back rub.

Finally, I’d had enough. I wheeled around in my chair, stood up face to face with him and said:

“I’ve told you several times to stop touching me, and you apparently are not respecting my wishes. You touch me one more time and I’ll shove your hands in a place the sun don’t shine. Do you understand?”

He backed off speechless and walked away. Fortunately for him, he never bothered me again.

 

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A friend we love and admire, Piper Bayard:

Piper’s sassy response to an old flame upon parting:

“Love is what you do, and what you did was all my friends.”

 

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And finally, another witty friend,  Jenny Hansen:

Jenny shares a phone conversation between herself and her Mom:

Jenny: *sees Mom on Caller ID and smiles* Mamacita!

Mom: How’s my Niffie Poo?

Jenny: Doing good. Driving to work.

Mom: Who are you teaching today? Will there be any I-D-10-T perpetrators?
(She freaking loved all the geek-speak for calling the end users morons.)

Jenny: Today it’s salespeople, which means I’ll be repeating myself a lot. Tons of A.D.D. in this group. How are they treating you at Barnes? (Hospital in St. Louis where she was a patient way too often in her final years. She died at age 65.)

Mom: I had to have a donkey barbecue with the nurse’s aide again.

Jenny: The same one as the last time? Commode Guy?

Mom: The same one.

(Note: We called him Commode Guy because he kept leaving the room without shutting the top of the commode next to her bed, which enraged her.)

Jenny: Oh Lord…what happened?

Mom: He left the lid up again! I had to talk the attending physician and the lung specialist with the lid up. It’s hard to look like a professional when your commode’s wide open.

Jenny: I can only imagine. I’m sorry, Mom. So what’d YOU do? (Because I knew she’d done something.)

Mom: As soon as they left, I rang the call button and asked for the aide. When he came in, I  made him close the damn lid! Then I said, “Sir, there’s a word in the dictionary between diarrhea and dipshit. Do you know what it is?” And he said, “No ma’am.” So I said, “It’s DIGNITY and I’d like to keep what little I have left. Do NOT leave the lid up on my commode when you leave the room. Please.”

 

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Please share your own sassy stories in the comments or on your own blog with a link back here.

The Redhots - Two Redheads, Two Different Opinions

Come chat with us every Friday on Twitter at #TheRedhots

 

 

 

 

 

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Discussion

  1. Piper Bayard  April 5, 2013

    What a great response on your part!

    What a jerk Helen’s co-worker was! Definitely a time for “Move It or Lose It Diplomacy.”

    And Jenny, good for your mom! I hope that young man learned an important lesson.

    Thanks for including me, Marcia. :)
    Piper Bayard recently posted..Syrian Sound and Fury–An Update on the CrisisMy Profile

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  2. Angela Wallace  April 1, 2013

    Oh my goodness, I wish I had that much spunk. I mean, sometimes I do, in my head. But I don’t think I’ve every said snark to anyone out loud. Thanks for the great stories. :)
    Angela Wallace recently posted..Heroines of Fantasy: Miss AprilMy Profile

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  3. Julie Glover  March 29, 2013

    And this is why I WRITE! Because I need time to come up with those what-I-wish-I’d-said comments. I did have a fabulous comeback to some jerk guy in high school, but I no longer remember what I said because God never let me get too arrogant; as soon as I delivered the line and felt the swell of I’m-all-that pride, I turned and slammed into a column. Yeah, not my best moment.
    Julie Glover recently posted..Riddle Me This, Riddle Me ThatMy Profile

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  4. Jolyse Barnett  March 29, 2013

    I enjoyed these examples of sassy, but especially Jenny’s. I’m not all that sassy, but I have learned to stick up for myself and my friends when necessary. Happy Easter, Marcia!
    Jolyse Barnett recently posted..Our Experience with Prostate CancerMy Profile

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  5. Patricia Sands  March 29, 2013

    Great stories and every one of them hit the mark! Jenny’s mom takes the prize. I’m one of those people who think of the sassy response five minutes too late! So nice to see you RedHots back in action!
    Patricia Sands recently posted..$5 = Joy!My Profile

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  6. Jess Witkins  March 29, 2013

    I loved all these stories! Piper’s one liner is killer! Nice! But as a retail slave for 7 years and someone who grew up helping in the family restaurant, I am so grateful that you said something to those doctors! Everybody waits. Settle down. I can’t believe they gave you a hard time over 10 minutes! Joe and I were once forgotten about for an HOUR. We didn’t even put up that big of a fight. We’re nice to wait staff and retail clerks. They do a hard job.

    Love the sassy stories, everyone, keep em coming!
    Jess Witkins recently posted..The Redhots: Taking Sassy to a New LevelMy Profile

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    • Marcia Richards  March 29, 2013

      Oh, yeah, you know how superior some people can act. Especially when they’re used to being treat like royalty! After having been involved in the restaurant business through my late husband and my kids, I, too, know how tough that job is! Too tough for me, for sure! Thanks, Jess!
      Marcia Richards recently posted..The RedHots: Featuring Your Sassy StoriesMy Profile

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  7. Helen  March 29, 2013

    I am still cracking up at Piper’s line. Best line ever. What a way to start a Friday morning!

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  8. Renee Schuls-Jacobson  March 29, 2013

    I love these great sassy moments. Piper’s cracks me up. I know I can be sassy, but I can think of a grand moment — at the moment. Weird. Maybe confronting my rapist 25 years later? That was more full court press brave and bold. But I was fearless, and proud that I did it. You ladies rock.
    Renee Schuls-Jacobson recently posted..5 Things I Learned at BlissDom 2013My Profile

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    • Marcia Richards  March 29, 2013

      Renee, bold and fearless definitely outweighs sassy! If you think of a story later, feel free to come back and post it. That happens to me all the time. Can’t think of anything funny on the spot. Thanks for coming by!
      Marcia Richards recently posted..The RedHots: Featuring Your Sassy StoriesMy Profile

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  9. Jenny Hansen  March 29, 2013

    You ladies are so cute! I’m just honored that you put my mama’s story in (she’s the sassiest gal I ever met).

    Piper’s line has me giggling over here. So thanks to her and to you! And Happy Easter. :-)
    Jenny Hansen recently posted..Why Do The Simplest Skills Take the Longest to Learn?My Profile

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